"Laissez faire et laissez passer,
le monde va de lui meme!"

Let do and let pass,
The world goes on by itself.


I usually don't go around quoting phrases in French, but this one I really like. No matter how big or how small my problems might seem to me at the time, in the grand sceme of things, it really doesn't fucking matter. The time is going to keep ticking away no matter how hard I try to slow it down. I was just thinking the other day that damn, I am almost 40 years old. I remember when I was 18 and sitting at my dad's 40th birthday party thinking he was getting old. I felt scared that getting old meant closer to death. Well, it does. In fact, I am closer to death than I was when I started typing this sentence. It's a fact. But I still don't feel like I am old just because I'm turning 40. I look in the mirror and see the grey hair and don't get it. I remember when I was again, 18, sitting in front of the mirror wondering what I would look like old (40). I see the same person as I did 22 years ago. but it's not the same person. Grey hair, a few wrinkles, the deepness of my eyes that speak a volume of experience, that is what I see now, not "old". My life is probably half over. Statistically speaking, if I make it to 80 I would have beaten the odds. Now, I have really sqeazed a lot into my first 40 years. Probably so much that I might not have 40 left. A real colorful past I must say. So what am I going to do with what I got left? That is a question that I ask myself daily. I have a strong feeling that I am in the midst of a mid-life crisis. I have a "bucket list" of things I want to do before I get to old. Some of the things my wife thinks I am too old for already. ie... full-sleeve tattoo, motorcycle, concerts, etc... I am not sure that I will ever think like a 40 year old, whatever that might be. I am pretty much stuck at 17. Which I might add, was a pretty good year for me. Ha!! that's an entirely different entry.