Mr. 9mm

" There's a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the week through the valley of darkness. For he is truely his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you. "
"I been sayin' that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, that meant your ass. I never gave much thought to what it meant. I just thought it was a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker before I popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this mornin' made me think twice. See, now I'm thinkin': maybe it means your the evil man. And I'm the rightoeus man. And Mr. 9mm here, he's the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could mean your the righteous man and I'm the shepherd and it's the world that's evil and selfish. And I'd like that. But that shit aint the truth. The truth is your the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd."

Jules- PULP FICTION

Just one of them days. This quote from the movie describes how I feel on many day. Working on my recovery, which is at 5 years now, lends me to good days and bad. Obviously, on the bad days I need to work harder to not be the "tyranny of evil men". Even on the good days, it's still work. The world does appear to be selfish and evil and many of the people in it I can see right through. I try not to keep those people close to me, but sometimes they sneak in anyhow.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Hmmmmmm..........

Maintaining for the sake.....

And it just don't matter now, because,

little by little,

I gave you everything you ever dreamed of.

Little by little,

the wheels of your life have slowly fallen off.

Little by little,

you have to give it all in all your life.

And all the time I just ask myself why

your really here?

Oasis- Heathen Chemistry, Little by Little

Driving really fast down the freeway it doesn't take much to go in a strait line. A little nudge on the wheel to the left, or to the right, and thats all it takes. Sometimes life seems like that car. Just keep going in that flow of traffic with the rest of the cars, stay in your lane, observe the speed limit, and all will be good. Sounds like a Sunday afternoon drive to me.

I have an analogy I like to use about marriage that runs in the same circle. It goes like this:

To me, marriage is like water skiing. If you stay right behind the boat where the water is smooth, there is usually no problems (as long as you can ski). But, if you get a little to far out to the right or to the left, the wake is bad and your gonna wipe out and sink to the bottom.

There is another one I just heard. It's an old greek wives tail.

The man is the head of the houshold. He makes the decisions.

The wife is the neck though. She can make the head turn whichever way she wants to.

Hmmm. I wonder how that can be. Sex? (or lack there of?) Nagging? Both?

Which brings me to maintenance. Why is it that someone thinks that if they throw you an occasional bone, say once every 3-4 weeks, that you'll stick around forever? Humans are a species of animal on this planet and have needs. especially the male animals. Testosterone is a timebomb when not taken care of.

I'm just saying..........

Talk about being an expert

I took my 13 year old paint balling today with some good friends that happened to be our old neighbors. Tom, who is in his 50's, has been asking me to go with them for about 4 years now. I somehow have always had something else going on that prevented me going with him and his son. Much of the time it would be anything going on would be an excuse to not go. I usually felt guilty but wouldn't go anyhow. Today I had no excuse. Now, my back is killing me so even though I went, I did not play. My 13 year old who loves paintballing did get to play and I am sure had a great time. I just watched. Maybe next time.

On the trip down to BFE where we played, Nathan, Tom's son, rode with me and my boy. I havn't had the opportunity to talk with nathan on an adult basis ever. He is a very, very smart individual. When I say smart, I mean rocket science smart. Literally. He had an internship with NASA right out of college where he studied some kind of engineering. Now, he has his Master's and is a couple of years away from his Ph.d. The freakin kid is only 24. He has no idea how set he is. He thinks he does, but until you get some age on you, a wife, kids, bills, mistakes, etc... you really have no clue at 24 what the fuck you have ahead of you. Anyhow, I asked the kid what it was that he was doing with himself right now. His response struck me odd. He stated that he was doing what he wanted to do the rest of his life. ??? I asked him what that might possably be. What he explained, and some of the details might be off, was that he is working at childrens hospital in cincinati on a research project that focuses on the knee. He went into detail about molecular level anatomy and the effects of robotics etc... Nathan said this is the thing he wanted to spend the rest of his life doing. Research on kids knees. I don't understand? Don't get me wrong, I am sure this is a very important issue for a small percentage of the population, but, this kid is a god damn genius. How about lets cure cancer? diabetes, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's. Things like that. Now one of the questions I didn't think to ask him was how he bridged from engineering to medicine so there is a little grey area I don't understand. But nonetheless, he is working to better things for people so amen to that. I have just never seen a 24 year old already have that much of an idea as to what he wants to do the rest of his life. And I mean specifically. Hell, I don't even know what I am going to be doing next year and I am 39.

He might want to practice a little more at maneuvers and sheilding himself for paintball wars though, he was the first and shot. And got it right in the neck. OUCH.

seriously, I'm scratchin my head.

Now when I say I'm scratchin my head, it's not the lice-infestation kind of scratching, or the "I havn't showered in 3 days"kind either. Mainly what I am talking about is life, and the things that have been going on around me. I am a good guy with a big heart. I am also an opinionated asshole as well. Being opinionated is far different from being judgemental. Just making that clear. I have opinions on politics, religion, sex, sports, parenting, and so on. And I am not affraid to speak them, in any company. Overcoming being judgemental has taken me 39 years to do and is still a battle. But I am winning it. In the process though, I have unearthed many issues that I have had that I didn't know bothered me so bad.
I am creating this blog to explore my thoughts, feeling, emotions, and life decisions with myself and anyone else who cares to listen or chime in. Let the fun begin.